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Hm, I've tried to swallow down my sarcasm for some time now - but hey, you asked for it
8.02 Hibernation works - don't wake us before spring
8.02 Stage 1: buying every single monkey on the planet: completed. Stage 2: giving them a PC: completed. Stage 3: figuring out which one wrote the perfect driver by releasing the most promissing looking code on a monthly basis: still under progress